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about

Whenever, If Ever” was recorded by Ryan Stack at Format Audio in Haverhill, MA and by Chris Teti at Silver Bullet Studios in Burlington, CT between June of 2012 and January of 2013

Cover photo by Hunter Savoy Jaffe. Design & layout by Derrick Shanholtzer-Dvorak

credits

released 18 June 2013
Thomas Maxwell Diaz - vocals, guitar, synthesizer
David Francisco Bello - vocals
Derrick Nathaniel Shanholtzer-Dvorak - guitar, vocals
Joshua Daniel Cyr - bass guitar, synthesizer
Katie Lynne Shanholtzer-Dvorak - synthesizer, vocals
Steven Karl Buttery - percussion
Christopher Joseph Teti - guitar
Julia Fields Peters - Cello
Patrick William Malone - Trumpet
Shitty Greg - guitar, vocals, piano, synthesizer

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Track Name: blank #9
We don't have to stop, we live here now
Track Name: Heartbeat in The Brain
Whenever you find home, if everyone belongs there, feeling our bodies breaking down. Just trying to find a way out to a city so big that it is bound to keep your secrets. Pack your seats high, saying goodbye to your close friends. Making some promises like “I’ll see you again.” So when will I see you again? (new apartment complexes rising) I know a few chords that could make you miss me. They ring and decay in this garage every few days. Just trying to figure out this beat. So if you want to come back east, then maybe you can help me find it. (take down your pictures pack your belongings.) If your arms are just felt then when you hold me I’ll feel held . We’ll sink in these notes. It never felt like this. Tell me we belong here. If your arms become smoke then I’ll have nothing left to hold. We’ll dissipate with these notes. It shouldn’t feel like this if everyone belongs here.
Track Name: Picture of a Tree That Doesn't Look Okay
Do you think the landlord’s pissed? We left a car parked on the lawn again. He’s looking. The porch is still and empty. We wrote our friends names on the walls inside. They’re laughing. We know that this isn’t home for long. The posters in your bedroom speak softly. They tell stories. So while the weather’s getting worse we take shelter in these walls again and tell stories. So where did you live and what did you learn there? We watch the fallen leaves turn to frozen trees, it’s been another year. Where do the echoes from the echoes go? Where does the water flow when it leaves our homes. I’ve been searching for this, something that I can run away with. It’s a life changing decision. Should I leave or try to beat this? (I know it gets harder everyday. But the dawn will fade and our skin will flake away.) Where do the echoes from the echoes go? Where does the water flow once it leaves our homes. Live wires are like this. They hit the streets and form a beacon. It’s a danger we’ve been warned, but we still stretch and try to reach them. Watching our planet grow on screens I spoke into a window sill and still forgot everything and it spoke back. A thousand frozen trees but still there’s something burning. (I will stare while you are growing. Come with me to empty places.) They are filled with everything. Where do the pieces of our dreams recede? Into eyes shut that are opening. I never have ever decided what to think of all the years I spent in Connecticut. (Whenever, if ever I get my life together I'll apologize for all the things I should have said) So beat on the bass drum, make all the spiders run. We threw rocks at the house and it looked back. (and done. Another day lost to the setting sun. I stare at the ceiling and it looks back.)
Track Name: You Will Never Go to Space
We sang songs but never learned your words or melodies. (We’re moving on.) We ran far beyond the lights cast on these streets. (We’re standing up.) Dazed and tired, we’re still standing. Always anxious, somehow breathing. Never certain but still searching. You parked your car out on my lawn and came inside. I'm shaking off the sinking feeling in my gut and I am screaming “wake up.” Is this a dream or reality? When I wake will I still be asleep? Can I ever trust anything? I guess I’ll rest and just let it be. (Wake up.) Is there a way to get into it or should I try to get over it? Did we dream when we were skeletons or did we just wish for our skin?
Track Name: The Layers of Skin We Drag Around
What did we forget on those dark streets? Are we powerless against our youth escaping? Your tape still plays: “This Changes Everything.” We’re still scared but we’re also patient. I am still a wreck. We connect in separate places. Tonight I feel just fine. I feel like a 2.5 and I would never trade this time for anything else. So cut our hair, we’ll leave it behind for someone else to find.
Track Name: Ultimate Steve
Our senses wear out so strike us with lightning. Let it tear us apart and shake our being. ‘Cause everything I see and all that I touch isn’t worth believing. Eventually, the world’s gonna end. We should stop our grieving. Let it destroy me. Let it end all suffering. The world will destroy me. Our voices will flood rivers and valleys. The world will destroy me. I am the mountains crumbling.
Track Name: Gig Life
You ran away. You were afraid to make mistakes but that’s the biggest one you made and it’s unfortunate. You hit the road. Yeah, you finally left your home. Somewhere to the west I suppose and I feel bad for you. ‘Cause you’ll be home soon but I won’t wait for you. This is gig life. I stared out at a lake off the highway in the West Virginia mid-day and it was perfect. Not sure where I’ll be next, maybe Texas or Athens, OH, Philadelphia, PA. Now it’s just Rival Schools and mewithoutYou on our car rides.
Track Name: Low Light Assembly
We can't change this place the way it changes us. The parking lot where we lay is more than home now. Breathe in deep. Please, breathe in deep. The light bleeds through the window pane, into our eyelids. Our bodies drown in Sheetz. Anchored, exhausted. Count the stains one by one, up on the ceiling. The echoes race around the room, they sing together: "We are all the same"
Track Name: Getting Sodas
We are the walls in formless shapes. The overbearing weight. This house weighs heavy on my mind. Erasing tapes, undocumented faiths. Took down your pictures and your belongings. In boxes buried under the soil, in the yard behind our tree, you’ll wait. Wrote tiny poems through the lines of my hands. Little birds flew by me. The wind’s been calling your name south in pursuit of foreign lands. Can’t go back. Where’s your tact? Where’s your grace? Where are the things you replace? Are our words more than sound? We cut the air and we’ve found to lose your faith in the world is to lose faith in yourself. We are ghosts in your homes. We travel under the floor. And when our voices fail us we will find new ways to sing. When our bodies fail we’ll find joy in the peace that it brings. The world is a beautiful place but we have to make it that way. Whenever you find home we’ll make it more than just a shelter. And if everyone belongs there it will hold us all together. If you’re afraid to die, then so am I.